Someone correct me if I’m wrong: it may be only 83 days left of summer. When June, a favorite month sped by in a haze of anguish, grief and exhaustion I decided to find the joy no matter what. I love summer and I love my life even when it’s peppered with four-letter words. It would be easy peasy to drown in self-doubt and pity. To shake my fist at the gods of why is everything is upside down and a challenge? Of course it’s not every single thing. It just feels that way from stress and not sleeping more than four hours in a row. It’s what it’s like to care for the sick and dying. In my case, it’s my cats but it feels no different than a child, parent, spouse or friend. It’s exhausting, heart-stopping, hand-wringing but with moments of peace and out-of-body bliss. The worst of times can be a blessing. Usually the insight comes after the event or transition is over and can be filtered in the rear-view mirror of memory. What if we didn’t wait to grab the blessing? What if we loved every fucking word of our life right now? Wretched. Shitty. Tiresome. Depressing.
Okay.
Confusing, overwhelming, nasty, scary.
Fine.
Heart-opening, tiny joy. Awe-inspiring wondrous. Soul-nourishing. Quixotic. Awful to awesome.
Any word you identify with is yours. Those words make up of the story of you. Your life. Only your life. No one else. You are the writer. You get to choose the words. Change the words. Make up words. Now that’s pretty fucking amazing.
Check out our Instagram page from our latest image/words. It’s Cat Wisdom 101 and there are cats but also what inspires me in nature, art and life.
You can’t possibly know how much this post resonates with me right now!
Peace and universal Light to you, Layla.
I’m so glad you choose to share. Big hugs.
I SOOOOOO feel this way right now – not for life/death reasons but it’s just a BAD time for me and I am constantly reminding myself that I am writing my OWN story….I can make it WHATEVER I want and I try to let off steam instead of holding it in as I have all my life. But at least I understand that even he worst of things has some good in it – I learn a lot from the bad stuff….about me AND about life. It’s just not as pleasant as a “la de da” life full of fun, but I’ll come out on the other side being more prepared for the next hurdle. We just need to get through “one day at a time”……………………….right?
Love and Hugs, Pam
Pam, I’m so glad this resonated. I figure if even one person got it, it would not be in vain.
My beautiful cat died, only 4, all black, huge and we had a connection. He got me, and I got him. He was mean, biting, angry, but at 4am every morning he would climb into the bed and purr, claw, push, rub my face, until I gave him a cuddle. He would lie there cuddling me until he deemed that was enough and then bite my hand and leave. There was something in him that needed saving and between us, we got there. He’d been here before u think. In the weeks since I’ve broken my teeth, glasses, TV aerial, washing machine, the list goes on. I’m angry, I feel shit, I’m angry. I miss being woken at 4am and made to cuddle him. Fuck is a word I’ve always loved, love it. So when I sit on the edge of my bed in the morning with my beautiful children shouting me, I just think “FUCK”, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Then I go on as usual. But I miss him so much. Fuck.
Grieving is hard. Anger is a normal part of grieving. I’m truly sorry for your loss of your beautiful cat. Writing down all your words is healing.
I am not particularly liking the words in my life right now…. there’s too much suck and not enough joy. I tend to go out in the garden, or spend time with the animals but I feel so alone. I dont want to be around anyone yet wish just someone would see me.
I get exactly what you’re saying but my word seems just seem to be ending in ‘uck’ .
Ellen, thank goodness for the garden and cats. I’m feeling the same way of wanting to be seen/heard but feeling alone. We’re not alone. I’m hoping the “uck” of muck, suck turns to luck. duck,
Lately I do the same things, and feel the same way… blah
It’ll change. Let me know when it does.